Choices

I wasn’t sure I wanted my eighty year old parents to join me in this quest to “seek Enzo”. I had driven up north for four hours, enjoying the prospect, imagining how I might appear to Enzo when we would first meet. Of course, I also had the silly notion that Enzo might stand me up. What if he didn’t show. I hadn’t ever experience that in any other real life scenario, mostly getting dumped on the back end. But there was a very real possibility that Enzo might not be in the pool of available applicants for the job – Januzzi Wick Manley Dog. Of course, with a last name such as that, I couldn’t blame him if he suddenly didn’t show, not wanting to go through life unable to recall all his names.

I hadn’t put on any makeup, as I wanted Enzo to see the real me, wrinkles and all. I had however plucked my eyebrows the day before, for my annual visit to the ob/gyn. I had also shaved my legs, and removed the hair from my bikini lines for the good doctor as well. I don’t know why, but I truly spent more time getting ready for the ob/gyn than I did for my first date with my husband, Mark. Perhaps there is the connection. That if I was to make one at all, it would be because I was naked – at least without makeup or pretensions.

Now, I was in the car, waiting for the breeder, with mom and dad in the car with me. I told them I was nervous, or maybe tired, or maybe just hyped up on caffeine since mark and I had been cutting back at home, and when I went on the road, I stopped at the Go-asis for a large cup of coffee, telling myself I wouldn’t drink it all, then proceeding to gulp it down during the last hour of my drive.

I was heightened, I told mom, what if I pick out the wrong puppy? My mom didn’t seem to grasp the weight of this decision. After all, it’s not like Mom said that every time she went into the delivery room, but there were times over the years, Mom was convinced she came home with the wrong one. And each one of us, in wanting to be separate at some point in our teens, would proclaim the same thing.

There was so many dependent on me for this decision. Cheryl, who would not be living with us anymore, well, if the economy doesn’t turn around, she may still move back home. But this was a one shot for her, get to see, know Enzo. What if Enzo could not bond in short periods of time, what if he took a long time to make friends, like me? For Shannon too, she only had a year left with us. We could not afford a long term bonder. And for Kaitlyn, this one had to be special enough to overcome her sheer devotion to her rabbit Midnight, the one whose cage she cleans only once a week, or sometimes forgets to feed when she is at a sleepover. And Davis, whoa, he had never had a dog, so this one had to be good, or else. For Mark, this one had to just satisfy any need that he couldn’t already. So much riding on this very choice, except tor me, Enzo is like the first draft of any book. He just has to exist.